I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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