You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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