your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
