I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
