This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Someone signed my nipple.
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