Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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