Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
