Yo dont text me then not text me
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
