i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
