i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
