There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
