You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
