Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
