Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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