I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
