I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
