2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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