I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
