walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
