Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
