I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Say something about gay babies.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
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he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
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