I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
