i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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