Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
