I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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