i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
