It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
this just has baby written all over it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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