bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
