you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
