i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
