ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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