all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
