Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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