He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
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Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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