aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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