Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
