got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
