you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
