did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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