So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
