But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
