yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
