As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
