I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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