Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
