I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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