That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
