found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
