i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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