I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
