Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
