Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
