I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
