anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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