I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
My penis needs a shock collar
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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