Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
