I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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