just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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