the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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