nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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