matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
