Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
