Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Rumble strips road head = magical
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
