U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
