he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
