Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
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